Monday, April 18, 2011

Its Hard to Say Goodbye

On Friday we said goodbye to a very special man. My grandfather passed away at 7:57 am on April 15, 2011. He definitely lived a long, fabulous life. He is now resting peacefully with my Grandmother. Here is his obituary.

Death is a natural part of life. Everyone dies. Sometimes they go much sooner than they should. Other times they get to live a long, full life. Death to the dead seems peaceful to me. Death to the living is a very hard thing to deal with.

Its final. You NEVER see or speak to them again. Its done, there will never be a conversation with that person again. You may have not said something to them when you had the chance and you spend days or weeks wondering why you didnt do it when you had the chance. This is not what should happen when someone dies but it does.

I am trying to stay positive and know that my Poppy is no longer suffering. Between not being able to breathe and going to constant doctors appts, missing my grandmother more than anything, and just being plain old lonely. I know that he was ready to go onto the next life. Selfishly I didnt want him to go.

I have no more grandparents. Its an empty feeling. Life goes on. It has to. I can not live my days feeling sorry for myself because my grandparents are gone. I have to think that I am incredibly lucky to have had the time I did with all of them. All three of my grandmothers and my one grandfather got to see me get married, got to see me have my first baby, and be a huge part of my life.

I have to take this time to brag a bit.

My kids are amazing!

We did not bring them with us to the wake. They went and spent time with Brian's parents.

Brian and I are very nervous to expose Owen to anything like that. He obsesses about negative things often and we didnt think he was ready. I went back and fourth about the funeral. I thought he would be able to handle it and boy was I right.

I forgot about the viewing before the funeral. We prepared him for the funeral. Telling him there would be a lot of sad people. Me being one of those people.

Once we got to the funeral home we attempted to keep him in the lobby. That lasted all of five min. There were a few other rooms with open caskets so once he saw them we thought it would be ok to bring him in. He didnt go up but he did amazingly! He sat with his dad, asked questions and said to me "mom, do you see Great Poppy's face? He is smiling. I think he is smiling because he is in heaven with Great Mama."

I told him he was very smart and 100% correct. Kids are so observant.

He sat through the entire funeral. NOT A PEEP!!!! My uncle let him use his iphone and  boy that was a lifesaver!

Shane stayed with me and did great too. He was quiet and played with my mouth, nose, glasses, hair and anything else on my face he could touch.

I was so proud and so happy my family was around me.

Brian was a pallbearer along with my cousins and in-laws. He was honored to do it. I was honored that he was able to be such an important part of the funeral.

It has been a long exhausting weekend. We are home now and relaxing. I am waiting for this to all settle in and hit me. It has been such a crazy weekend and I have not had a chance to process it all. Now that we are home, unpacked and relaxing I can think, reflect, mourn, cry, laugh, cuddle with my amazing kids, hug my amazing husband and just go through the process of healing.

Tomorrow is back to real life. Brian goes to work, Owen had a game, I have laundry and cleaning to do. Owen is on April vacation so we have to find things to do.

Easter is next weekend so we have another busy weekend ahead of us. We have a game on Saturday and some "room switching" to do (I will explain later). Then we head up to Brians mom and dads on Sunday.


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