I have been feeling....

Tired
Nauseous
Bloated
Fat
Large Breasted
Headachey (from puking)
Hungry

Hopefully soon this little kumuat will make me feel better. I love it so much already but it is not making me feel very well. Maybe its a girl because I dont remember feeling this way with Owen. I know I was a little nauseated in the evenings with him but nothing like this.

How many more days until spring??

When its cold we want it warm, when its warm we want it cold. I guess we or should I say I am never happy. It seems to me that this year is especially cold. I dont know what it is but I am cold all the time. I cant seem to warm up. Poor Owen always wants to play outside and I just dont get it. When its 25 degrees out I am not really running to bundle up and play outside. I feel bad for the poor kid because he has so much energy and wants to genuinely run it off. Is there someone I can hire to take him outside to play???

Anyway, I would really like spring to hurry up and get here. Its only January 11th and I am ready for April. Then when we are in the dead of Summer and its 95 degrees out I will wish it was cooler out. Is there somewhere I can move where it is 70-80 degrees all year round and never rains??? I want to be there!

...and baby makes four!!!!

So its official...we went to the doctor today and I am 8 weeks and 3 days pregnant. There was no doubt in my mind that I was actually pregnant. After three tests I was sure. Plus all the signs are there. After a meeting with the doc, having an exam and an ultrasound I am very confident to say that we we pregnant. Here are the pics of my bean.






I have been real sick lately. I feel nauseous 24/7 but am also consantly hungry. If I dont eat when I am hungry I am a mess and if I do eat when I am hungry I am a mess so really I cant win either way. Its all good though. It means that I have a human growing inside me!!!! I was not sick like this with Owen that is for sure. Its amazing how one pregnancy differs from the next. I had a great pregnancy with Owen, not that this one is not great but I had no sickness with Owen. I was usually a little nauseous at night with O.

We are just so happy to be pregnant. Owen is going to be a wonderful big brother!!! We are not 100% sure we are going to find out. There is definitely a convenience factor with finding out but there is also that element of surprise to wait until the baby is born. So I really dont know what will happen.

Growing up

So all my life I looked up to my parents. They were my inspiration. I wanted to be just like them growing up. In alot of ways I am just like them.

Every parent wants the best for their child. We certainly want what is best for Owen. He is so smart, articulate, creative, active, intelligent, kind and just a good kid. Not that Brian and I were not those things growing up. We certainly are a good mix of Owen. He has a little of me and a little of Brian.

Parenting is one of the hardest things you will ever do in your life. You are constantly second guessing yourself. Is what you are teaching them the right thing? Are you being a good example? Are you too hard on them? Are you not hard enough? Are you consistant? Its freaking crazy how much you second guess your self when you become a parent. I remember when I was pregnant wondering if I would be one of those parents that forgot to feed their child or left their child on the roof of the car like you leave your coffee cup on the roof (I have done that so many times...drinks that is; not child). I have had several questionable moments when it comes to parenting. I know in my heart that Brian and I are doing a decent job with our boy! He is turing out pretty good. But its little hiccups along the way that make me wonder.

Brian and I show Owen love and affection, teach him to trust and we give him everything we have. I think that is what being a parent is about.

We are starting to talk about extending our family. We know Owen is ready as he talks about it all the time. His little friends have siblings. I feel bad for him that we havent done it sooner but its a big deal to bring another human being into this world. There is always something happening or a question whether its a good time. I guess there is no perfect time...now is as good as any. We will see!!!

So I guess in the end what I am saying is that as you grow up you look up to your parents, despise your parents, think they arent so bad then parent like your parents. Its funny how you go throught your adolescence saying "I will never be like my parents" and in the end you are just like them. Thanks mom and dad for showing me the way and instilling the values I am passing on to my child(ren).

Halloween

Well the three days of Halloween is finally over. Dont get me wrong, I love Halloween BUT...Owen had a Parade on Thursday, Party on Friday and of course trick-or-treating Saturday (tonight). Its alot of action (candy) for three days in a row. To be honest, its worth it in my book. It gives this boy great memories. That is what matters. What he probably wont remember is the costume fiasco we had on Thursday for the parade. For once we were a few weeks ahead of time and got his costume. Well I didnt try it on him when we were in the store (or even take it out of the bag). Boy was that a mistake. It was 2-3 sizes too small. We found out WAYYYYYY too late, as we were on our way out the door to the parade.

Here is the original costume we got:


We got to talk him into wearing the partial costume while Brian went out to get another costumer. There was NOTHING left two days before. After a huge melt down this is what we ended up with.


We totally understood that in Owen's life this is the end of the world. Imagine for weeks you are excited to wear a skeleton costume and you tell all your new friends you are wearing a skeleton costume but dont get to...END OF THE WORLD!!!!

What a good sport he was. We told him that he was special. He got to wear part of his costume to the parade and the rest was a surprise for school the next day. He went with it.

He actually got to mix and match two different costumes which normally would not happen. So what could have been a nightmare turned out to be not so bad. Here is the end result...what he is, I have no idea.


What ever it was he loved it. I am sure he will be wearing the mask for a long time! He really had a great time trick-or-treating. We got throught half the neighborhood and he was done. He turned into a zombie...he was just going door to door saying what he was supposed to until he said "IM DONE, can you carry me home!". Brian picked him up, put him on his shoulders and carried him home. Man this boy is spoiled!

Once we got home we sifed through his candy. Then he finally realized we had candy to give away. So we all went to sit on the front porch and give out the rest of what we had in our basket (we opened it a week ago to dig in!!!). Owen decided his job was to hand it out. It was gone in five minutes. Some of the kids really made out! It doesnt matter because in the end HE HAD FUN!!!

Fall is here!

I have been tweeting (heatherbois) about how cheated I feel here in Fairfield County for the lack of foliage. I am not sure if we are late bloomers or fall is just skipping us all together. I have a favorite tree in Southport that looks like its on fire when fall comes. Its the first to change out of all the surrounding trees and this year it barely changed colors and all the leaves just fell off. This weekend I went to Bristol and the trees there are beautiful. Here not so much...just more brown and green than anything. Maybe its the kind of trees we have down here. I dont know. I just know that as I drive down the road I do not see the beautiful colors I grew up seeing 45 min away in good old Bristol.

Our family loves fall (with or without foliage). It is our favorite time of year for many reasons...first and foremost HALLOWEEN (and my birthday hehe). I remember when I was young, Halloween was like (or should have been) a holiday to me. I never understood why we had to go to school on Halloween. I have a mini-me (boy version). Owen loves Halloween. Today he went on a field trip to a farm where he will get a pumpkin and apples. I am sad I didnt get to go on this one...I am sure there will be others. He is all excited to be a skeleton, I am excited to get him his costume and paint his face! He will be the coolest looking skeleton there is. Then of course there is our local Halloween parade and party at the library...I will be taking out my camera for that one! I am sure there will be tons of cute kids running around!

This is also the time of year that we start having fires. This is Brian's favorite thing to do. We love to be in the house on a cold day with a fire in the fire place, and soup brewing in the crock pot. Its the definition of fall for us. Last year I would have thrown baking a cake into the mix but this year we are on a health kick so cake will not had!

And out come the winter clothes...one of the best parts of living in New England is the change of seasons or should I say change of wardrobe. I love taking out the boots and sweaters for fall. Of course I love to buy new ones too but its just exciting to put on a big cozy sweater especially when you haven't seen it in months!

So all in all we are really excited that fall is here...great things are happening for us.

Here are some pics:

My sweet boy:






Sid the pumpkin:











Notice how there are wayyy more pics of Sid than my child...its nearly impossible to get a pic of this kid!!!

My yard:

Hard times are not always bad times

So it has been five days since my grandmother passed and I think it is finally sinking in. I am starting to understand with the other two that I just held everything in. This time is different. I am living close to family and friends, I have the love and support around me that someone would need when experiencing something like this. Three years ago when my other two grandmothers passed I was on my own in PA. I basically held it all in. I needed to be a mom first and foremost and sometimes that means putting your own feelings aside.

For the first time in Owens life he saw me cry today. This was not an easy thing for him to see but I explained to him that mommies and daddies get sad and that it is ok. Sadness is an emotion that everyone has from time to time. Its normal. It didnt make it easy for him.

My grandmother suffered for a long time. She lost her big toe several years ago and since then she has had nothing but suffering. Last year she lost her leg and that was hard on her. Imagine yourself today and then think about you at the age of 78 or 79 losing your leg. I could not imagine. Yet, she stayed strong and lived life.

Today I have regret. I regret not calling more often or visiting enough. I know that everyone says you did what you could and to be honest, I do not believe I did. The fact is that I could have taken a little more time to stop what I was doing and see her. In time that will fade and I will have joy and comfort when I think about her and my other grandmothers. Right now I have hurt and regret.

I am not a public person. I am not one to put my feelings out there for everyone to know. I dont feel like this is doing that. I just want everyone to know how much I truely loved my grandmother and that she and my other grandmothers will always be in my heart. I think about them everyday!

This whole experience has taught me to say what I think and feel. I hear this alot from people but I am taking this whole situation and making the best of it. I am going to learn from my mistakes and flaws!

In loving memory of my grandmother: